This year November 1 started the Christmas season here in Kansas City, at least on the radio.  Both of our light (or is it lite?) rock stations switched to Christmas music until…well I don’t even know when.  December 26?  December 31?

It’s easy enough to ignore at home or in my car (and I do) but the problem is that those two white bread, limp dick stations are being played everywhere so it’s tough to avoid when you’re out and about.  Even my wife’s office pipes in Star 102, including that horrible John Tesh show, which is a whole ‘nother post.

Last year I went on about my problems with these two stations and from what little I’ve heard they still stand.   They manage to play the safest, most boring stuff you can find.  Oh and what the hell, let’s add a little King Diamond Christmas action:

Kansas City has two radio stations * that begin playing non-stop Christmas music a week or two before Thanksgiving, and every year I listen to them in an attempt to get into the Christmas spirit.  Every year I come to the same conclusion:

• There’s a lot of crappy Christmas music out there
• Both of these stations mainly focus on the crappy stuff

So just checking their online playlist, here’s what KUDL** has been playing the past hour or so:

- “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney.  The Beatles are my favorite group, I love a lot of Paul’s solo stuff but this thing is just terrible.  And it gets played a lot.  I lump this together with that awful Elton John song.  Neither of them is good, but because the songs are by big music names they get played a ton.

- “Just a Little Snow” by Jeffrey Osbourne.  This is the stuff I hate the most.  Boring, generic stuff and it seems that every time I turn on one of these stations a song like this is on.

- “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Michael Bolton.  I honestly don’t have anything against Michael Bolton but this is a good song ruined by bland production.

- “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee.  I’m not a huge fan of this song but at least it’s fun and has some energy behind it.

- “Sleigh Ride” by Air Supply.  Again, it’s a bland version of a good song.

- “Let it Snow, Let it Snow” by Dean Martin.  Occasionally a good song sneaks through their playlist.  I would probably listen to the radio more often if I knew there was a chance that I would hear Dean Martin.

This sums up what’s wrong here.  Christmas is supposed to be a happy time.  We’re supposed to be excited and in a good mood.  The problem is that the music they play is so middle-of-the-road that you might as well be listening to the generic crap they play through the rest of the year.

On top of that they have an incredible shallow list of songs that they’ll play.  You keep hearing the same boring songs over and over, year after year.  No one’s taking any chances.  And it’s not like I expect them to play King Diamond’s “No Presents for Christmas” or  “Merry Christmas Baby” from the Ramones.  Just play something with a little energy.

I was talking with my wife about this yesterday and I came up with three songs that I have never heard on a Christmas station:

Billy Squier, “Christmas is the Time to Say I Love You”

“Jingle Bells” by the barking dogs

“Santa Claus and His Old Lady” by Cheech and Chong

(As an aside, I love the Douglas Firs re-enacting the Cheech and Chong recording. Before we had kids I used to do that with “Murder was the Case” whenever we had guests over.)

I will have to give Star 102 credit for one thing they do.  Every evening Santa Claus comes on the air to take calls from children.  It does this old man’s heart some good to hear kids genuinely excited to speak with Santa.

* To give you an idea of what these stations are like the rest of the year, one plays the Delilah show in the evenings and the other plays John Tesh.  To quote my wife, any man who willingly listens to the Delilah show has some real problems.

** Do you get it?  Their call letters spell out the word “Cuddle”.