I love that first album cover.  In case it’s not clear he’s peeing on Steve Vai and Yngwie Malmsteen’s graves.  Not only that but he proves he’s a neoclassical guitarist by namechecking Paganini in his album title. 

The other one has a great title but the cover lacks any sort of disrespect to other guitarists.  It does, however, have his rendition of the patented Yngwie pout.

I have no clue about the actual content of each album, although in all seriousness I’m sure I would love them.

“You thought you were dead
Ha! I’m not done with you yet!
I’m going to the morgue to hunt you down
I’m going to the cemetary to find you
I’m going to your grave to dig you up”

- “Ultra Dead”, The Great Kat

In the heyday of shredding back in the late 80s any guitarist not signed to Shrapnel had to do something to make themselves stand out from the crowd.  Which is exactly what The Great Kat did.  The ads in various guitar magazines advertised her hyper-fast versions of classical songs combined with a dominatrix-type personality.

Needless to say, the younger version of me was dying for this album.  Now not so much that I was willing to pluck down however much they were charging to order it via mail, but I kept checking used music stores for it.

Nineteen years later I had a copy of Beethoven on Speed in my hot little hands thanks to my local Half Price Books.  When I paid for it the clerk told me that he had just put it out a couple of hours ago and thought that no one would ever buy it.

“I’ve wanted this for years,” was my reply.  I’m sure the hipsters working there think I’m a dick anyway so what do I care.

Anyway, the album itself is a combination of sped up classical songs like Beethoven’s 5th and Chopin’s Funeral March along with Kat originals such as “Kat-Abuse” and “Guitar Concerto in Blood Minor” (which sounds like something Dethklok would put together).  The whole thing is done pretty tongue in cheek with Kat’s dominating personality coming out in the linear notes (”I’ve got to live with this massive brain 24 hours a day!”).

Unfortunately it’s not very good.  The originals are pretty cookie-cutter and the classical songs lose their novelty after a couple of listens.  That being said I know that there are people who would be completely into this - it’s a very metal album and the guitar work is pretty good.  I think the 1990 me would have liked it a lot more than the 2009 me does.

The Great Kat has a very busy website here.